Thursday, July 22, 2010

Children and Divorce

Now that the issue of divorce is being once again pushed by  our legislators; we ask the question again, in a country like ours, do we really need to have the Divorce Law? Ours is a catholic nation, and amongst the nations worldwide, Philippines is one of the two countries which do not have a divorce law.

To the moralists, it is safe for them to say that we don't need such law because it corrupts the essence of having a strong family ties. But to a woman who suffers abuses from her husband is totally a different story. Most especially if children are involved in the abuses.

A divorce can be traumatic to the ex-couple, but it can be even harder for the children. Tons of reasons can be attributed to come up with a decision to part ways for the couples. When a couple decides to have a divorce, what they truly consider is their own self.  Secondary consideration will be their children. Children and divorce are two things that is very hard to resolve.

 But several studies and researches showed that there is a big impact on the lives of the children if their parents decide to get a divorce. Children have this feeling that they have to choose between the two parents. They would never want to do that for the fear of hurting the other parent that they did not choose. Children and divorce is not easily for the couple who decided to have one.

Parents should keep in mind that it is only their ex-partner that they had a divorce and not their children. So it means that the relationship between parents and children should not be strained by this decision. They should keep in mind that their children are going through a different phase as they are right now. Children will feel a little relieved if they know that their parents will still be parents to them despite the decision to part ways. There is nothing more stressful for a child but to choose who among his parents he would love more. Obligations as parents should not be forgotten.

Children and divorce should be dealt individually. There are millions of kids affected by divorce. As parents struggle to pick up the pieces of the broken relationship they had with their ex-partner. Not all divorced parents end up as friends. So once the parents decide to divorce, its hard for them to become parent in the first part of the process of their own healing.

There are certain institutions that will help children to cope up with the divorce of their parents. Changes in children’s behavior may manifest. If they are older kids, they might neglect their studies. Some would turn to their friends for comfort. It is a blessing if children have good friends. They may act as their social support amidst the trial that the children are going through. However, if the set of friends that they have are on the other side of the fence. Children are easier to influence to do or imitate bad habits.

It is also important for the parents to explain to the kids the reason behind the divorce. They may skip other sensitive details, what is important is you give them justifications for the decision that you came up. Parents should not leave their children from speculating the reasons behind the decision. Because some would think that they are part of the reason why their parents decided to divorce. An assurance that you are still committed parents to your children will somehow ease the stress that they are undergoing as well.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Flower Talk

My hubby and I were invited to witness the public installation of officers for the Order of DeMolay; it was my first time to go to such event. I have no idea on what to expect, what I thought that it will be just the ceremony of the bunch of teens who are going to receive more responsibilities on their organization. My hubby being a part of the Free and Accepted Masons, serves as one of the guiding lights of the members of the Order of DeMolay. To show support, I went with him to be a part of this event.

I am sure glad that I went along with my husband; if not I could have not seen the most touching part of the installation of officers. One of the newly installed officer gave the Flower Talk. The Flower Talk is a part wherein the young gentlemen of this Order would give honor to their mothers. I was so touched with the Flower Talk and I could not help but shed tears. (Most moms actually did!).

Why am I so affected with the Flower Talk? well, simply because I have three boys. My gosh! they are growing faster than I thought; and pretty soon they will be spending less and less time with their parents most especially their mommies. There will come a time wherein you are not even sure if your kids will allow you to enter in their own world.

The Flower Talk tells us mothers that despite the strong facade that we see among our children most especially teenage boys; they are still the little babies that we once hold in our arms. The Flower Talk imparts the message to other young gentlemen of the Order to let their mothers know how much they love them. Life is too short to be taken for granted. It is important to say our appreciation for all the things our mothers did for us and to tell them how much we love them. I wish to hear one of my kids deliver the Flower Talk. If ever that time will come; it will be like holding your son again for the first time.